I'm a freak. Sobbing. Train wreck in a tornado. Shaking. Freezing underwater, under the ice, try to breathe, the water is sucked into your lungs, ice shards tear into your chest. Chest. Hand on the chest. Warm. No. Rip it off. No. Calm me down, now, anyone. Anyone. Stop this. Can't talk to ANYONE. There's absolutely NO ONE. NO ONE. Empty room. White empty room. White gunshots. Alone. No one shooting but gunshots. They're invisible. No one. Never confide again I'm so stupid NEVER. Never again. Shut off everyone. Pretending. Hard stone. Don't let anyone in. Shut off. No more. Sick. All I want is one night to sleep without a shirt and someone's hand on my chest without feeling wrong and dirty.