18/8

It's like a switch, flicking on, and off, and on, and off. I guess when you make yourself too available to people your value decreases. But like I've said before and I'll hope to god I'll have the strength for it, i don't need to be valuable if it means I can be counted on and trusted. Quite funny really, here's the kid who's trying more than ever to boulder up that bell curve of being a trustworthy person, the very same kid apparently no one approves of their kids being friends with. Sometimes I feel like one day I might just snap and cut everybody off and go back to my old ways. But that's low isn't it? A low blow to no one but myself.

Anger. The thing about anger is that it's a secondary feeling. They say anger is a product of having felt other strong emotions such as hurt, disappointment, humiliation. I've always been a rather angry person, I felt that in that way I am protected, I'm shielded from what I see as the unfair hand the world has dealt me. Over the past two years it seemed to have gotten better, I felt at peace, or at very least, that I could take life on. I mean, with my whole world right in my arms, who could blame me. But now it's different, it's like the anger is seeping back in drop by drop, sparked by mundane things like constantly being interrupted by your boss, or the office couple sopping with amore in your face every. single. day.

I'd chime in with a haven't you people ever heard of, closing the goddamn door, no? ~

Ok but seriously, it's getting weird for everyone. Geez no wonder nobody likes office romance. On the bright side though, the new guy and girl both seem awfully nice and easy going, so in between that and my deskmate coming back tomorrow, well the world seems a little brighter.

Apart from all of us being completely slandered because we are, in their words, "not as clever or capable" as someone else, there isn't much to complain about life right now. I think my parents have talked things through and are working something out, the recent concert was bloody brilliant and made a bunch of friends, one of whom is a complete camel just like I am, from cross country apparently, and she and I get along great. Yeah okay some of the other people we picked up might have been a little strange.

And yet with my life falling together, you still manage to find away to reside in the back of my mind all the time. I'm not complaining, you've always found a way into the things around me.