Sat the 23rdk

"but that's not what I came for, my amour
I hate to admit it but I miss the war
Gotta get you under fire quick, brace for it
I'd rather be a riot than indifferent"
-this means war, marianas trench

Damn if this isn't a catchy song, refreshing to see josh so gloriously sassy in the mv too. Life's been slowing down, a good time to catch up and patch up what's been torn and tattered. I notice I've been getting less tolerant of the way people term me and whatnot, it tends to eat at me much more than it has before and I've been more vocal I addressing it as well. Pity, it's surprising how it tends to slip from those I've counted myself close to and I just find myself thinking "oh so that's how you've been seeing me all along?" Just seems like they're lying their way around me just to make me feel better. I've also been asked to remain in a place I felt hostile, because someone wanted to see how i transition. For goodness sake, I counted you as a good friend, you could just make plans with me if you wanted to check on me. Wanting me to be there just so, what, your curiosity is satisfied, what the hell do you think I am? A zoo animal, perhaps? Come on man, how would you feel if I had told you I'm staying on just to watch the drama unfurl when you break up. Insensitive bastard wouldn't I be.

Anyways, my trust in that particular person has been ebbing away steadily, and honestly it's quite sad because we used to be so close. She told my then girlfriend once, that she worried I'd fall for her once my girlfriend and I broke up. I never thought much of it until my friends brought up how it just seemed like she had no respect for my girl at all, her own friend mind you. I covered up for her, said it might have just been the way she said it, they were good friends after all maybe they knew better than to read into things, but now. Well now I think my friends may have been right. If she hadn't meant to say that she thinks I'm using my girl as a makeshift before I move onto her that's fine, but who the hell do you think I am. That girl had meant more to me than well, anything I'd ever known.
Well no use harping about it now but it felt good to get it off my chest.