Half Past Moon

normally I would feel ashamed of myself for missing the gym and leaving work incomplete to attend a last minute buffet slot with a friend and her mom, but today I'm rather thankful for that rash, well, on my terms it would be spontaneity.

It has only recently come to my attention that my daily rind and grind would somehow lean a little towards bizarre. When I think of my mind, I think of hundreds of folders and slots, arranged in order of time on one axis and degree of urgency/importance on another. The activities for the day are filed into those slots, and on a good day, the entire shelf for that particular day would be full, but with buffer gaps. When an event crops up within the same slot as another, factors will start churning up, two fact charts next to one another. "Can either one be postponed" "Do these opportunies come often" "special event or daily schedule", and the specs of whichever outweighs the other will slide into that slot. When there is say, a two-hour slot for meeting a friend, for example, and there is a last minute cancellation, stressed is an understatement to describe my mental scrambling to fill up that slot with another purposeful event (purposeful: achieves something which improves a situation/ betters myself/ helps someone else), the failure of doing so will be an immediate deduction in my time management for that day. Waiting for something is wasteful, sitting idly is wasteful, anything which doesn't involve a fluctuation of energy is wasteful in my mind's eye towards myself. As efficient as it may be, I practically lose my shit whenever my brain folders get messed up.

Back to today, the bottomless glass of wine is like a hypnotizing charm on the folders in my mind, they arrange themselves and fold neatly and tirelessly, it frees up some space for me, even more space to cram even more into my schedule. Recently I've begun to stir at around 6.20am, and seeing as to how I wouldn't be able to get functional sleep between then and 7.04am, I've decided to make use of the time as a pre-day warm up, to rouse me up for the day. Nothing like a light workout and  a meditation session to start me off hopefully. Nights shall be reserved for preparing for the following day, one slot of rest, and working on my trimonthly report, and transportation times shall be reserved for studying italian and resting. I've written all these down for easy access throughout the day so there's no time and energy wastage to recall them.

My feet are being problematic. The left side is infected and looks like reptile skin; the right ankle is slightly sprained or something I'm not too sure but it hurts to walk. You know. I think she needs the tickets more than I do. If it will make her so truly happy. And for that it's worth it. Her happiness is always worth it.