Mockingbird

Something I have to get out of my head. It's funny how every time, just a little while before I see her, the waves come crashing down on me once again. It's not about sadness, it's anger, pure betrayal. All the visions flash before my eyelids against and again, like a black and white old filmshow. The desperate shaking, holding back from landing a missile fueled blow straight to the temple. Over-cautious steps away because I can't bring myself to look, because I already knew long before I found out. The alarm in my head ringing loud and red, liar. It's not what I found out that bothered me for long, it's what I was put through because of it. While hurling excuses and cover-ups the whole time. Trying to make me feel equal. That it was just a matter of time and distance. Breaking myself at the edges forcing myself to believe that. You made me suffer. How can I believe you when you say you love me anymore?