I'm not sure how to feel about this, but I think I'm done with that girl. Sure she's cute and all, but her attitude's really getting on my nerves and I don't think it's about to get any better. So to the dear waking up and falling asleep to thoughts about her, the butterflies and stutters when I run into her, and the wishing she'd open up to me more, please stop soon, you're really tricking me into falling for her.
On another note, I suppose I should thank her for allowing me to finally get over my ex girlfriend, and for teaching me the value of hard work and dedication as well as allowing me to appreciate personal space much more. I guess one day when the opportunity arises, she will know that she's meant so much to me before but that time passed in the midst of submissions and late nights. I need someone I can talk to, not someone who isn't open to communication. End of story.
Saturday, 17 August 2013
Thursday, 15 August 2013
Old Friends
I saw someone wrote on tumblr the other day, somewhere along the lines of "it's funny how two strangers could have been completely in love". And although it seems ridiculous on the surface, I thought to myself for a while more and it dawned on me that this was indeed possible. I remember the true quote now. It was "from friends to lovers to strangers who had been completely in love".
It is funny though, how true this is and how it's even possible. It's like trying to remember someone you've never met. And when you walk by places you used to go to with them, or do something that reminds you of them, it feels as though it was all a dream and now you've just woken up, and none of it had happened. It feels as though a year of my life had been erased from my recollections. Yeah, it's just hard to imagine that this is someone I barely know, but I also know inside out. This is someone whose body I can map out like the back of my hand, who hugged me while I cried, whom I ate takoyaki with sitting on the ground because there's always no seats, who got me completely freaked out by moving fish flakes, who told me she loved me more than her boyfriend, who put her neck under the knife with me everytime we meet up..but who is this person? I don't know her. It's just a passerby who decided to stay a little longer than usual.
It is funny though, how true this is and how it's even possible. It's like trying to remember someone you've never met. And when you walk by places you used to go to with them, or do something that reminds you of them, it feels as though it was all a dream and now you've just woken up, and none of it had happened. It feels as though a year of my life had been erased from my recollections. Yeah, it's just hard to imagine that this is someone I barely know, but I also know inside out. This is someone whose body I can map out like the back of my hand, who hugged me while I cried, whom I ate takoyaki with sitting on the ground because there's always no seats, who got me completely freaked out by moving fish flakes, who told me she loved me more than her boyfriend, who put her neck under the knife with me everytime we meet up..but who is this person? I don't know her. It's just a passerby who decided to stay a little longer than usual.
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
New Schedule
So what I've attached below here is my schedule for the upcoming week starting today. What happened was that we were suddenly informed today that competition entries for Compasso are to be test printed by 30 August, which is the same date as our DC Submissions. She and I were talking about stargazing and how she hopes the skies on Saturday will be clear as glass when suddenly the messages came in. And we both panicked. Well really, the 15 of us must've panicked upon reading the messages. So now there's this huge split in our focus up till the 30th of August where we'll be jumping from schoolwork to competition and back daily.
So as of now, school time, which is about 9-5 will be reserved strictly for Compasso, and my 7-11s will be for model making. Of course in between there'll be breaks for gym and a good two hour busride home from school to ease my mind. Other than that, it's pretty much hardcore enginework throughout the day. As of today, I'm done with my DC calculations and will only do the verging of the plans, which should be quite fast, on Saturday, after I've printed out the plans. The model, i'm done with three floors, but the internal walls aren't really there yet. But then again, that's not my priority right now, priority is to finish the top floor (many walls there) and the first floor so I get the complete set. Everything's removable so I can easily put in internal walls if I have spare material later on. Other than that, roof and landscaping shouldn't be much of a problem and can be done together with the columns.
What I'm more worried for though, is the DC plans. What I'll have to do will be:
- get a site plan
- change all names on the pledge of allegiance and title block
- do landscaping on plan (this is the real time waster)
- annotate EVERYTHING
- label everything with names and FFL, PL
Actually yeah that's about it but the landscaping is gonna take some time, figuring out where each tree goes and stuff. Thank god we don't have to include drainage at this point, but of I have the time I'll do it as well. I'm more worried about the laying out of the boards, cos it seems really strange to import so many texts and drawings into autocad. And photoshopping it out seems vaguely strange too because it'll be so difficult to update later on. But one week should be definitely enough to crank that out if mornings are crammed with it. That way, evening's can be reserved for Compasso or vice versa.
I'm in a super agent mode now, always on my feet and ready to go, even now my mind's telling me to stop wasting time and cut some boards or something, but if there's something I need to train myself to do, it'll be to practice good pacing and appreciate rest because it's an extremely important factor.
Two conversations that made my day sometime back:
M: Wow who knew I'd see you here! Getting an award right, cannot take it you too pretty today!
1: You also what wah today dress until so smart. You so handsome.
2: So if the guy act like that do you think he's interested?
M: -long explanation- yeahhh so I think he's pretty into you
2: Haish, you guys are so complicated.
So as of now, school time, which is about 9-5 will be reserved strictly for Compasso, and my 7-11s will be for model making. Of course in between there'll be breaks for gym and a good two hour busride home from school to ease my mind. Other than that, it's pretty much hardcore enginework throughout the day. As of today, I'm done with my DC calculations and will only do the verging of the plans, which should be quite fast, on Saturday, after I've printed out the plans. The model, i'm done with three floors, but the internal walls aren't really there yet. But then again, that's not my priority right now, priority is to finish the top floor (many walls there) and the first floor so I get the complete set. Everything's removable so I can easily put in internal walls if I have spare material later on. Other than that, roof and landscaping shouldn't be much of a problem and can be done together with the columns.
What I'm more worried for though, is the DC plans. What I'll have to do will be:
- get a site plan
- change all names on the pledge of allegiance and title block
- do landscaping on plan (this is the real time waster)
- annotate EVERYTHING
- label everything with names and FFL, PL
Actually yeah that's about it but the landscaping is gonna take some time, figuring out where each tree goes and stuff. Thank god we don't have to include drainage at this point, but of I have the time I'll do it as well. I'm more worried about the laying out of the boards, cos it seems really strange to import so many texts and drawings into autocad. And photoshopping it out seems vaguely strange too because it'll be so difficult to update later on. But one week should be definitely enough to crank that out if mornings are crammed with it. That way, evening's can be reserved for Compasso or vice versa.
I'm in a super agent mode now, always on my feet and ready to go, even now my mind's telling me to stop wasting time and cut some boards or something, but if there's something I need to train myself to do, it'll be to practice good pacing and appreciate rest because it's an extremely important factor.
Two conversations that made my day sometime back:
M: Wow who knew I'd see you here! Getting an award right, cannot take it you too pretty today!
1: You also what wah today dress until so smart. You so handsome.
2: So if the guy act like that do you think he's interested?
M: -long explanation- yeahhh so I think he's pretty into you
2: Haish, you guys are so complicated.
Sunday, 11 August 2013
Drizzle in the Light
About a fortnight ago I had a post loaded up in here, a draftswork that I fell asleep before completing. A fortnight ago, the draft had been happy, twisted up in the corners with a pretty bow tie. This post is not so happy.
In the draft, I talked about changes and how I've changed since the start of this year. That's fairly neutral so I suppose I'll rewrite that from memory. If anything, I grew stronger since the start of this year. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I was the boy who was clinging on so desperately to his past, comparing everything around him to what he had and never seeing anything much better. I was pathetically in love and forced out of love and full of pain and hatred. I was really selfish too. I can see that now, and I can see where I should've backed off and left that girl alone. I can see how suffocating it got to the point where she had no fight left in her when I left, she probably wanted me to leave by then too. And though the things I've been hearing about her haven't been all too pleasant, I'm at the point where I can sincerely tell her that I wish her all the best and that I hope she can stay true to herself, in the better terms of the word.
Speaking of her, there's been someone reading my blog recently and I can't quite put a finger on who, simply because only one person knows my URL and she's definitely too busy with her life to waste her time on her ex's blog. But if there's someone out there that I know, who's been reading these, please drop a note or something just so I know who you are or what you think.
In the draft, I talked about changes and how I've changed since the start of this year. That's fairly neutral so I suppose I'll rewrite that from memory. If anything, I grew stronger since the start of this year. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I was the boy who was clinging on so desperately to his past, comparing everything around him to what he had and never seeing anything much better. I was pathetically in love and forced out of love and full of pain and hatred. I was really selfish too. I can see that now, and I can see where I should've backed off and left that girl alone. I can see how suffocating it got to the point where she had no fight left in her when I left, she probably wanted me to leave by then too. And though the things I've been hearing about her haven't been all too pleasant, I'm at the point where I can sincerely tell her that I wish her all the best and that I hope she can stay true to herself, in the better terms of the word.
Speaking of her, there's been someone reading my blog recently and I can't quite put a finger on who, simply because only one person knows my URL and she's definitely too busy with her life to waste her time on her ex's blog. But if there's someone out there that I know, who's been reading these, please drop a note or something just so I know who you are or what you think.
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Deja Vu
I won't call it déjà Vu but this sort of feeling on emerges once in a long time. Right now I'm feeling so damn proud and happy over her canoe race. So she took part in 3 races in today's National Women's Canoeing Championship, and when she sent me the photo of the gold medal I already just flipped and hecked about the other two races in my head is just WOAH THIS IS MY CHAMPION! Not to mention she hasn't exactly been training up this past week because of the workload. She said she's not as happy cos this isn't a polite race but really heck it man, I'm already so happy and proud of her. The only other time I've felt so proud of someone was two Decembers ago when Sabrina and I were both struggling with lousy wifi across continents, her in Vienna and me in my bedroom sneaking a use of my laptop at 5am to receive the news of them clinching grand champion choir, I AM THAT PROUD. And I'm really glad she got to meet her sec school friends today, they seem to make her so happy. I'm so glad you're happy.
Thursday, 25 July 2013
Square One
I just reached home. Ran home from your house but I only just reached home because I ran slowly. Because I'm no good at it. No good at anything really.
I've never been this angry in a long time, the anger feels so fresh, so raw. It's really frustrating. It's bloody frustrating that I don't get you. I can more or less understand everyone else but you're a fucking wall. I try to open up to you, all I get are okays and nods like nothing I said mattered at all but you know what? All those things I told you are a big part of my life. Think about it. Do you know how much I'm putting on the line just to show you that I trust you? But you just think its ridiculous don't you? I'm some kind of clown. You are two completely different people in front of others and behind them. You act so nice and playful when we're surrounded by people but once we're alone, you shut me out like you're stamping out a fire. Or is that what Libras are all about? It's not that I want to invade your personal space, neither am I trying to pry you open and squeeze your opinions out on things. To me, it's just that communication is really important between friends and I want you to fucking talk to me. I don't know, maybe you don't think communication is important, maybe you think personal space is more important in friendship, how would I know, have you ever told me?
Tell me I'm overlooking into things and I'll tell you you're wrong. There's a difference between the kind of friend you were and what you are now and it's clear as day. If you want me to go away just fucking tell me. I'm sick of this. I honestly loved you.
I've never been this angry in a long time, the anger feels so fresh, so raw. It's really frustrating. It's bloody frustrating that I don't get you. I can more or less understand everyone else but you're a fucking wall. I try to open up to you, all I get are okays and nods like nothing I said mattered at all but you know what? All those things I told you are a big part of my life. Think about it. Do you know how much I'm putting on the line just to show you that I trust you? But you just think its ridiculous don't you? I'm some kind of clown. You are two completely different people in front of others and behind them. You act so nice and playful when we're surrounded by people but once we're alone, you shut me out like you're stamping out a fire. Or is that what Libras are all about? It's not that I want to invade your personal space, neither am I trying to pry you open and squeeze your opinions out on things. To me, it's just that communication is really important between friends and I want you to fucking talk to me. I don't know, maybe you don't think communication is important, maybe you think personal space is more important in friendship, how would I know, have you ever told me?
Tell me I'm overlooking into things and I'll tell you you're wrong. There's a difference between the kind of friend you were and what you are now and it's clear as day. If you want me to go away just fucking tell me. I'm sick of this. I honestly loved you.
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