To you.

http://soulmate-71.weebly.com/signs-of-a-soulmate-and-twin-flame.html

10.56

I'm a little twitchy from coffee now and Anni and I were talking about things just now so I'm just gonna write down some stuff here. It's really rare to find someone that you don't feel you have to consistently impress, that you can be yourself with, whom your friends can get along with, who can make you calm down just by hearing their voice or seeing their face. It is rare to find someone who's personality is different from, yet compliments yours, but you both still have room to grow, who wants nothing but the best for you, even if what they think is the best means that they're not in the picture. It's hard to find someone who makes you feel that slightly more comfortable with your insecurities and flaws. 

I was telling Anni that maybe even from a religious viewpoint, pamela might have been good for me because she drinks less than I do, and she doesn't take pork. It's still livable with. I was telling Anni about how I don't think that Pamela really isn't happy doing architecture and that she's the sort of person who can't really see any enjoyment doing things she's not passionate about, and it's a pity she's spending 5 years doing that. And so I imagined if I married her, for our tenth anniversary, my gift to her would be her own little bookshop to run for a living.

5.04

I have a dream
I hope it will come true
That you're here with me
And I am here with you

I wish that the earth, sea
And sky up above-a
Will send me somebody
To lava

Okay but really the reason I'm writing this is because while waiting for the bus to Chinatown, my fingers got itchy and I decided to dig through the side pockets of my bag and -holy crap it's sick in there. I found burger wrappers from God knows when, yep sauce and all, granola wrappers, all kinds of tissue, and a half eaten packet of Daim chocolates. My bag is a cemetery of RUBBISH.

10.27

I woke up feeling great. 2 hours now and I feel like I've lost my mind and a piece of my heart. To move on you must kill all hope of being back together. But at this point I feel like I want to be back together even thousands of miles away.

11pm

There's this turmoil inside me that doesn't relent. I tell myself it's over but my surroundings are tainted with remnants of her and the past. All my clothes strewed across my room, I can point out perfectly each one that I wore on our dates out. The white shirt sleeved shirt with red and blue checks that she said I had too many of, I wore that out the night we had Sunday Folks. The blue and white striped polo, I wore that on one of our picnics at marina barrage. The green shirt with tiny yellowish dots, I joked that I wore that all the time. I see the watch she gave me on the shelf next to the watch she used to borrow for herself. I see the dumbbells I used to work out with and then I'd send her a photo of myself sweating like a pig and she'd tell me to be careful. I sleep on the very same sheets and pillows that we made love on. I see the sweater she gave me. And the cat shaped thumbdrive. And the littl eeyores grumps and pancake on my bed. I see the laptop we used to skype on. The blazer that took me forever to choose. Her old project building plans are still in my folder. I see the tear stained shirt I wore on our last date. Sammy, the cat who grew up with her. I miss her so much and I want her back but it's over. It's over. It's over.

9pm

its over. It's over. It's over.
There is no hope in it.
It's over for good.
Writing makes me believe it.
It's over for better or worse.
But it's over.
I might be sad but I'm trying to accept it.
It's over. Its over. Its over.
Don't look back, you're not going that way.

Bound to Get Together~

Oh don't you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back
She said shut up and dance with me

I've got a good feeling about you, and things are changing. Let the countdown begin.