To put it simply, some nights I think that I would've made a good father. Maybe not the whole yard to the best dad in the world awards, but a decent paternal figure. There's some I know who'd suspect something would happen to them before they had a chance to be a parent, others yet we're sure, at the age of 16, that they wanted to name their first children Sean and Summer. Most days I've come to terms that my gene pool will spend its last days in this very body, other days I'd wallow in envy of those who can decide any old day "hey let's have a baby". Well, the majority of people that is. Though of course, adoption is a very real and very wonderful thing, I just wished.. I had the choice.
Most nights it feels like I've been robbed of the very basis of my life. My childhood, my identity, my choices, my future family.
I guess in this way I would never think of myself as worthy of being part of a woman's future. I simply cannot bring myself to rob another of the very choices I never had. It's cruel. I can love. Love love and give so much yet nothing I do can overcompensate for what I lack. I cannot in good conscience do such a thing to another human being, much less someone I love. But for those I love, I will, undoubtedly, give endlessly, wholly, and unconditionally. That is a choice that I can make.
No comments:
Post a Comment