20.12

the world works in funny ways. You ignore my messages, never pick up my calls, never have the time to skype, go from being nice to me one day and messaging me in your sleep to completely disregarding my existence in the next hour, allow anybody else but me to make plans with you cause somehow your schedule can be arranged to accommodate the many days they want to meet you and not the one day I arranged, and THEN you ask me what makes me think you don't wanna see me. If I'm burdening you with my friendship do let me know. If my friendship means something to you then do let me know as well because I'm not a mind reader and I can't read through your layers of apathy. And if there's something I did wrong then let me know too so I can understand why I suddenly don't exist to you.

You should know that you were absolutely wrong when you said that actions only affect us and nobody else. Cause this is proof right here that your actions affect the people around you. Sure this may be my caring too much but it sure is better than ignoring the people who care for you, love you, and miss you everyday. If we ask about you it means we care, it doesn't mean we're trying to put a lid on you or something. I don't know, maybe you could just tell us 'hey, I think I need some time alone for today', I'm sure that's easier to comprehend than blue ticks and cold shoulders. In moments of clarity, that's when you talk to the people around you about what's going on and don't let them think that they're not needed in your life.

I'm not angry at you, I'm really not and I know what depression can be like so I understand when you just want to shut the world out. we tend to think that we can handle all this on our own but sometimes it's really better to talk it out even if you don't feel like it. Thinking alone with ourselves and our demons can only lead to overthinking and that really isn't the best way to feel right now. I'll be here if you need a friend, till then, I hope you haven't forgotten my name.