Kindly realise that your actions have consequences beyond the inmediate audience. Time and again I have allowed myself to be drawn to your friendship only to realise, time and again, that I have no worth in your eyes.
I have never and will never be a real man in your eyes, are you scared to tell me that to my irresponsible face?
I will only ever be good enough for people you don't care about, I'm a what, a flight-risk? A chew toy of some sort to use and throw?
Or god knows I'm pitiful, a sad case to tell your acquaintances about at bonfires: The Walking Tragedy and His Story of Lost Love
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You know she loves you with her life. I hurt her and you know it. I hurt her by second guessing her choices and I deserve whatever distrust or ill feelings she might have towards me. Wake up, and understand that you have immunity against that. What you said to her was in retrospect the exact same mistake that I made. Listen buddy, we're both stupid human beings who think we know what's best for the ones we care about. Wake up. We don't. She will never distrust you, so don't go around taking advantage of that full-well knowing that the walls have ears - I will hear every damn thing you say, or imply about me.
I hurt her, and I have to live with that regret every day. I am torn between happiness that her best friend loves and cares for her, and the cost it incurs on my being. I am a person, and I am trying my utmost to be a better one. I want her to be safe, and I want her to be happy, too, we're not too far off, you and I.
I don't have the simplest of lives, but my demons are all out in the open. So price me down for what you see me as, will you, but I've got nothing else to hide, nothing. I'm honestly hurt by what you think of me, for the last time I am sick. Of having to prove myself because I don't need you to tell me I'm not good enough. But for all the shit that I am, I'm not a for-the-moment guy, and if you knew me, you'd know.
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