When I'm sad, running across a busy street wishing to get run over seems like a really good idea. But I wanted to try to get better, so I'm going to list down the things that I'm sad about today and three things I'm thankful for.
Things I'm sad about:
- I feel that my time is not good enough for anybody else but my cat's. I'm tired of people canceling on me or not bothering to meet up until I ask them. I feel as though I'm desperate for friendship and that's pathetic.
- I'm tired of cancelled trips because those times are the few days or weeks that I'm free of the burden on my shoulders. Nobody knows me in another country and so I'm free to be who I am. But anyways from the looks of it this trip isn't going to happen either cause it can't be just one person planning with completely zero input from the other party. I know you're sooo busy but air tickets aren't gonna wait for anyone either.
- I feel weak and small and like I don't matter. Physically and mentally. Some days like today I can't lift as much as I could because I haven't eaten all day or things like that so I feel really puny and pathetic. And work sometimes makes me feel like I'm not good at anything I do so all I am really is a disposable waste of space.
- Sometimes I feel like I'm the reject friend that you insist on getting cheap meals with because you'd rather spend the cash drinking with your real friends
Things I'm thankful for:
- The nice black and white cat downstairs who greets me when I'm walking home and accompanies me when I have breakdowns downstairs sometimes.
- bob's burgers simply because their family is dysfunctional and their kids are weird and I feel relaxed when I watch it
- I think my boss making me do projects that are almost die because I'm a fast worker. It might also be because he thinks I'm really really free but I'd rather believe in the former.
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