Fit

I, a boy who fits in with neither gender cirle of friends

I, a boy whose body is decaying from the lack of medicine it needs

I, a boy who never outgrew playing pretend -with his family for the past 20 years

I, a boy who drowns in alcohol to silence his inner demons

I, a boy with no boyhood to recall, and whose childhood is one of confusion

I, a boy who is struggling to grow into an adulthood knowing the exact reason he won't fit in
I, a boy whose identity is not validated
I, a boy who is numb to internalizing his pain for fear of rejection
I, a boy who doesn't believe in relationships
I, a boy who seems unable to find any light at the end of the tunnel
I, a boy who lives every second of his life being reminded of his inadequacies
I, a boy who wants to be a good person, but genuinely doesn't know if that means struggling through his life as he is, or taking things into his own hands to be his true self
I, a boy who wonders if making decisions he believes in is as sinful as the damnation that others condemn him to
I, a boy whose problems are too embarassing and controversial to discuss
I, a boy who is unable to experience life to the fullest
I, a boy who can't be bothered with self-harm because that doesn't change anything 
I, a boy who isn't really living anymore

Edit;
I, a boy who doesn't want to die, but really doesn't mind it right now