Fit

I, a boy who fits in with neither gender cirle of friends

I, a boy whose body is decaying from the lack of medicine it needs

I, a boy who never outgrew playing pretend -with his family for the past 20 years

I, a boy who drowns in alcohol to silence his inner demons

I, a boy with no boyhood to recall, and whose childhood is one of confusion

I, a boy who is struggling to grow into an adulthood knowing the exact reason he won't fit in
I, a boy whose identity is not validated
I, a boy who is numb to internalizing his pain for fear of rejection
I, a boy who doesn't believe in relationships
I, a boy who seems unable to find any light at the end of the tunnel
I, a boy who lives every second of his life being reminded of his inadequacies
I, a boy who wants to be a good person, but genuinely doesn't know if that means struggling through his life as he is, or taking things into his own hands to be his true self
I, a boy who wonders if making decisions he believes in is as sinful as the damnation that others condemn him to
I, a boy whose problems are too embarassing and controversial to discuss
I, a boy who is unable to experience life to the fullest
I, a boy who can't be bothered with self-harm because that doesn't change anything 
I, a boy who isn't really living anymore

Edit;
I, a boy who doesn't want to die, but really doesn't mind it right now

Just Saying

Every day and every week
My words still ring so true
I'll never have, in my own words
A 'day to spend with you'

And though you try and though you say
You'll free a day for me
The only words I can reply
Is we'll have to wait and see

Sian

I'm sick and tired of people not making time to meet up. You too busy with your life? Fair, I'm not gonna bother fighting for your time anymore. Next time, you plan and I'll just show face if I'm, you know, not too busy with my life.