I don't know how to begin with this. If I were to leave, I hope you'll be okay. You're a dancer. I see it in you everywhere you go. Treading one foot after the next on the sidewalk. Skipping cracks on the pavement. You're one of those people whose dreams resonate within you and burst forth in every action you do. I will never be in a position to critique your skills, but your passion is something so special. If I were to leave you, I hope you chase those dreams the way you chased the frothy edges of the sea at our spot at the beach. Never thoroughly pursuing, but never letting out of sight, a dance to a rhythm between only the sea and the sand between your toes.
I hope you find someone who loves you and never leaves you the way I have. I hope he never finds a reason to doubt his love for someone like you. You'll meet a boy who can't help but smile every time he sees you, someone who will hold your hands in his and study the creases like constellations. He'll tell you the meaning of the lines you've drawn on your skin, and he'll tell you about his family and his dreams, and how every wrong turn in his life eventually led to you. I hope you meet someone that your family will love, and he will take time off to get tackled by your nieces and hold hands with you in front of your father. And I hope he will call in the middle of the day to remind you that he loves you and leave random notes around to tell you how incredible you are. And even behind closed doors, he will hold you in his arms so delicately that you will allow yourself to trust him. You will find a man who's been searching everywhere for someone like you, and he's going to make you happy in a way I never can.
If I leave you, I hope you'll keep on loving the things you do. I hope you continue to make warm nutella sandwiches because they're the best things I've tasted. I hope you continue to look up at the stars, and count them, and after a while give up because they're like holes on a piece of canvas and you are but one girl trying to conquer the universe. And I hope you try, because the universe is within your reach.
I fell in love with your sincerity, your kindness, and your compassion, and I believe all these things make you who you are. If I die, I hope all these things stay alive within you and that you're able to share them with someone else whose whole world amounts to you. I hope you find happiness, and I hope you remember me by that one night I wrote a song for you and played it on the guitar and sang out of key. Embarrassing, but I suppose its who I am, an ambitious mix of overthinking and too little thinking. Its never been the case that I don't love you. Even when I cannot say it, its because those words simply don't capture the integrity of what I feel towards you. Its not just love, its intrigue, and amazement, and anger, and care, and guilt and I don't think the simplicity of love is what they all sum up to.
But if I die, hope you never need to see my body. Remember me for a while, and then let me go as soon as you can. You are so much more and you can be happy without me. Have faith.
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