31-1

No one reads this blog anymore, and from what I gather, people assume that I've been doing fine. In the past five years or so, this must be as far from fine as I have been. There's no one around, and I'm starting to learn that no one puts anyone else before themselves anymore. I can no longer turn to anyone for help without feeling like a terrible burden, which leaves me feeling worse than before, and the poison just keeps festering inside of me it feels like a parasite feeding on my negativity. I'm living in constant fear of my surroundings and I'm slowly losing my sense of self. My chest constantly caves in to pain and I haven't been able to sleep much. But I'm not worried because there's nothing to lose, the part of me that's alive is so minuscule that it won't matter if the larger part of me dies off. It's not real.

"Less than human, less than the meanest ghost"

4am

i can't sleep. And I guess I haven't known loneliness till I wake up at 4 in the morning with the whole world turning its back on me.

What do you do when you are so sure about something, about talking to someone, or going somewhere, but it just refuses to align. It almost feels like fate is avoiding you. I have so much on my mind but no one to talk to. Because those who promised they care, I guess they found out they care less than they thought.

I was so thrilled, so excited at the prospect of you being back. But that's all to it.
It's hurting so.