Why do people take so bloody long to reply. It's like you reply once and chuck your phone across the Pacific Ocean or something, one second you're online and next thing you disappear for a good 15 mins. If it's normal conversation it's okay, what's not okay is going incognito mid-time sensitive issue. God damn it. Ever heard of planning backwards anybody? Who the hell gets anywhere in 15 mins.

Hour Glass

You're an hourglass. You're a wall clock laid on its side with its hands faced up. You're dry pale sand seeping through a minute crevice in a cavern of glass. You're the even spaces between the ticks and the tocks that make my nerves wrench. 

In this instance, I am a void of emotions, empty from sorrow and fear and hopefulness. Each step taken is devoid of caution, utterly careless and purposefully thoughtless, as though death would be a friendly guest to greet at my front door. The only thoughts accounted for are the seconds awaiting for the knock, one, two, three, four.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I am a void of emotions in a bottle, and my glass walls are thick. It won't open nor will it shatter, it brags of bruised knuckles and sleepless nights, heavy eyes and leaden hearts. The walls are impenetrable. They cannot feel the words they hear, those words are powdered into crumbly sand and scattered in the bed on which it lies. 

What are we fighting for? I become a stranger by every turn of the hourglass.

11 May

I thought mothers were supposed to help their children feel validated and support their children's interests and self expression. Projecting yourself onto your child is both unhealthy and detrimental to their self esteem and relationship with you. Your child isn't you. He isn't the savior of the hopes and dreams you never fulfilled as a kid, he isn't sent down to help you fulfill those things you never did, and he definitely isn't an extension of you. Your child is going to be very different from you are, in ways you've perhaps never known before, but it's your job as a parent to clarify, understand, and offer support for their decisions in life. My heart is so heavy as I type this.

You make me wish I had cancer so all my hair would fall off from chemo. See how you'll love me then.

Song for today: Let's Kill Tonight - Panic! At The Disco

Big Ass Car

There's just something bout a young lady in glasses pulling up in front of you in a bigass car. Powerful, classy, flirty. Who knew glasses and a big black car could make a world of a difference, damn.