Jumping

I jump too fast. I find a person that I might be able to get close to, I immediately jump two feet in and next I know, I'm six feet underwater. I always blow it. I need to learn to slow down.

Thoughts

Sins don't start when you reach puberty. They begin when you become aware. You're aware that what you're doing is wrong, you understand why, but you do it regardless. The logic that it happens when you reach puberty is because the time lines intersect, nothing more. You can almost imagine it this way:

Man 1: so when are my wrongs considered sins?

Man 2: when you're aware of it

Man 1: and when exactly is that?

Man 2: can't say for sure, usually should be after you hit puberty

Man 1-world: your wrongs are sins once you hit puberty

It's so simple, how did I not realise all along.

Meeting the Ex

So..I ran into my ex yesterday in town. Twice actually, as if once wasn't surprising enough. If it didn't right out stun me, the incident was funny enough. Because my friend and I were talking about it over lunch, about how she's working in town now. And I was harping on about how we should accidentally drop by and like "oh what a surprise to see you here!" and making guesses as to how awkward it would be. That was lunch. 

Then we were walking towards the mall which she works at (just so happens) and we decided to go into a nearby building to walk around for a little bit. We weren't really looking for anything so yeah, we quickly wanted to get out, then my friend was saying something about some store in town having a 50% sale and the first thing I burst out with was 'edit' (shop my ex works at) and I just stopped there to laugh at myself for a bit and then I turned and "wtf." Because *waves magic fingers* there she was with 3 or so friends outside some accessory shop that she used to always go to for feather earrings and stuff. Call me stupid, but my first thought that my mind was conjuring things. So I turned to nudge my friend but as I was doing that, I heard her speak, and okay there's no mistaking that voice. I didn't know whether to laugh or be awkward but my heart just dropped dead and yaknow in all those stories where they talk about their knees going weak, yeah. So I just smiled and waved and so did she. Guess she must've been like "wtf" too cos she looked like I was the last person she wanted to see hahah.

I was pretty edgy after that, but I told my friend that actually I wanted to ask my ex for my book back. I really want that book back, I don't normally give out my books. But oh well the opportunity had passed so we went on to h&m to walk around. All throughout the walk around, my friend kept trying to knock my nerves out, kept nudging me unnecessarily and stuff. And then. As we were going down the escalator, my friend started going "editediteditedit" pretty loudly, thank goodness the escalator was facing the rear of the building, because when we made the u-turn to the exit, again. Again there she was, with just one friend this time. Even her friends look like her oh gosh. Same reactions. I never did ask for my book back, I was kinda muted really, couldn't bring myself to even say hi. 

Don't really know how to feel about the whole thing, I just feel..tired and like it was unreal cos we haven't met in so long. She was wearing a purple dress and the whole works, makeup (I usually meet her after school so I'm used to seeing her with and without), contacts (standard), and red hair (this is new to me). I looked like I got hit by a hurricane hahahah. She looks mature, like really really mature, it's as if I dated her when she was 16 and now she's 24. Still gives off that bitchy vibe hahah, I don't know maybe I feel it more now that I'm on the other side, but she looks like she's doing good, so that's good. Hey, I mean her mom let her get a job finally, that's some clearance too. But I really don't get the thing she wore(wears?) around her head that makes me think that she's gonna transform into some superwoman anime character anytime, not that it's for me to get anyway. But oh well, she's happy with her bf, and I'm happy with my women and many confusing stories and I'm just as happy taking my time with relationships so I guess it's a win-win situation.